the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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