My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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