You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
