FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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