I could make wine with my vomit
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
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