if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
