from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
