Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Randomize