I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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