We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
