I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
