hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
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