wake up i wanna do it froggy style
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize