i love accidental penises.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
