Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
