Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
We got so high we made milksteak
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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