How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
