what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
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