genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
