if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
