I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
What drink are we having for lunch?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
