I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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