I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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