I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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