gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
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