She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
