I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
