its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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