feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
