So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
