I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Randomize
