i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
