Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Randomize
