I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
My liver just had a heart attack.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
