weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
