goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
this boner is exhausting
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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