So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
That accounts for only three of the penises
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
