uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
