Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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