i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Just invented taco cereal.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
