If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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