Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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