I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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