a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
