In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize