I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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