im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
