your room smells of hookers.
And success
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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