I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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