One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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