just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Of course I have a pirate flag
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
