I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
