I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Randomize