I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
