I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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