Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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