We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
