dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
