Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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