i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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