You just made me feel so damn special
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
