I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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