I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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