Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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