So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I lost the right to judge tonight
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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