btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
